I Blame Myself

August 27, 2016

I used to blame others for my situation.

Paralysis seemed like such an insurmountable adversity. I wanted to blame God and anyone but myself for what seemed like an “unfair” burden.

But then, after a while, I took responsibility for all of the outcomes in my life and it started paying huge dividends. It was an important guidepost on my journey to overcoming an adversity I had previously thought would “ruin my life.”

Eventually, I figured out that blaming anyone but myself leads to excuses, which inhibit growth and overcoming.

Actively looking for ways to blame my outcomes on my choices, my actions (or inactions), and myself led me to an amazing sense of peacefulness and happiness. It wasn’t easy at first, but it resulted in a non-victim perspective that’s made all the difference.

Unfortunately, we see a lot of people adopting the blaming and excuses offered up by so-called “Social Justice Warriors” these days. Many of the SJWs are well-intentioned (some are just opportunistic) but they enable excuse-making and victim mentality by blaming everything except individual choices. Some favorite blame targets include wealth disparity, hate, discrimination, abuse, and “privilege.” The list is long, and they peddle these excuses while highlighting powerful envy-triggers like “unfairness.”

But blaming and excuses are the enemies of responsibility, growth, and wisdom.

Wisdom and intelligence are related but different. Intelligence has two components: (1) critical thinking; and (2) the ability to retain and recall. Some people are great at one but not the other. The most intelligent are great at both.

Intelligence, however, is no substitute for wisdom. No matter how intelligent we are (or think we are), wisdom only comes from experience. And experience often comes from making bad decisions (or learning from others’ bad decisions).

People only learn from bad decisions by not blaming other factors or people. Blaming and excuses lead to lack of wisdom, which can easily result in victim mentality.

If you don’t already, try to go a week without blaming anything – for yourself or anyone else. Figure out how to blame the outcomes in your life that you don’t particularly like on yourself. And try not giving anyone else a scapegoat. Instead of blaming the boss, co-workers, a spouse, that cop, the government, the weather, hormones, karma, or “unfairness,” try figuring out how to say, “that’s my fault” every time something doesn’t go quite right for a full week. And for that week, try never offering excuses or agreeing with excuses for others. Then go a month.

You’ll see amazing changes in your life, you’ll stop enabling others, and you’ll be glad you did.


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